Like organ-playing rabbits or men with butt-trumpets, sometimes things in the margins don’t seem to belong. Well, they do belong ultimately, but at first glance randomness seems to rule.

This bit ‘o blog is dedicated to the truly random. Think of it as a panacea for the ubiquitous, an antidote to the mundane, a remedy against the ubiquitous…. You get the idea.

---

A Balanced Life and Other 21^st-Century Delusions

Ever wonder if your family’s balance is askew? Wonder no more. Simply take this quick and easy questionnaire to determine if (and what) adjustments are required.

Please be warned: there will be no sparking of joy in either questions or prescriptions.

---

How we are as a family is best represented by:

1. A string theory experiment that suddenly (and inconceivably) opened up a black hole.
2. A picture of kittens with bows on.
3. Mystery Science Theater commentary on Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
4. I’m sorry. I dozed off. What was the question again?

---

Since the last time that my significant other and I were able to hang out with friends, life has been…

1. A flippin’ pothole. We fell in and are still trying to get out. Rope, please?
2. Sunshine and roses. Bedewed roses of the Lincoln variety, to be precise.
3. The Ramones’ I wanna be sedated on loop.
4. I’m sorry. I dozed off. What was the question again?

---

Our plans for the upcoming summer include:

1. Sending the kids to military camp and checking ourselves into to a spa for the geriatric in spirit.
2. Going backpacking in the Pyrenees as a family before all volunteering on a project rehabilitating cowardly lemmings.
3. A road trip that will probably turn into Mad Maxx if we’re lucky and a Chevy Chase movie if we’re really, really unlucky.
4. I’m sorry. I dozed off. What was the question again?

---

The last book I read for fun was:

1. Fun? Fun?! Great Aunt Mildred’s sweet potatoes! Who has time for anything but the kids’ homework?
2. Eat, Pray, Love. For the third time.
3. Slate’s review of Marlon James’ Black Leopard, Red Wolf. Seriously, who has time for books?
4. I’m sorry. I dozed off. What was the question again?

---

ANSWERS:

If you chose any one number three times, please follow the appropriate prescription:

1. Call the grandparents, sedate the kids, and go on a weekend–just the two of you.
2. I’d suggest something but fear you won’t hear me over the rainbows that are apparently popping out of your every orifice.
3. Plop the kids down for an Incredibles extravaganza and pour yourself a strong, strong martini.
4. Send the children to their friends for the night. Unplug the phone. Turn off the Wi-Fi. Close the curtains. Put on your comfiest flannel PJs. Have your own Incredibles extravaganza and tuck yourselves into bed by 8:30 p.m.

---